Entangled in Our Worth


I had a intuitive reading 3 years ago where the reader told me I had a ton of self confidence but in the self love department I was seriously lacking.  

That confused me?  I'm confident but I don't love myself?

"Yes", she said, "you have all the belief in your ability to take on a challenge, to make things happen for you, to acomplish what you set your mind to, but when it comes to loving yourself, simply because you exist, you have a harder time doing that."

This was a riddle I held with me for 3 years trying to "do" and practice different ways of loving myself just because i'm here.  

In meditation I would ask for more self love, in my every day life I would choose things that seemed to align with loving myself more, but it proved to be a harder challenge than I had thought.  But sticking with it I started to get glimpses of what she meant.  

Since then I have discovered more of what that means to love myself despite the conditions and experiences that color my life.  But yet its still a hard concept to describe let alone share with other people.  

Its maybe easire to think of babies who are born never questioning their worth or love for themselves, but as time goes on we begin to tangle ourselves up with external things, money, relationship, confidence, prestige, accomplishment, family, ect.  that we think will bring us happiness, joy, love ect.  

And what we are after when we seek any one of those things, is a sense of meaning, value, connection, growth or certainty our basic human needs.

The tricky part is when outside influences are telling us that they have the secret to give us one of our most treasure basic needs.  

money=growth=self love.  or relationship=connection=self love

Do you see how the attachement is on the external thing we want to get in order for us to feel a certain way?  In order for us to find self love?  

Heres a practice that I've been working with lately to practice compassion and self love. 

1. Think about the thing you most desire in this moment.  The thing you think will bring you the most happiness, joy, confidence, aka self love.  

2. Then think about if you had that thing right now, how would you be different?  How would you act different? How would you feel?

I'll give you an example from my life.  

1. I think that if I achieve a certain level in my practice that I will feel more confident, proud of myself, and be less stressed in my life.  

2.  If I had that thing in my life right now:  The first thing I thought was nothing change.  I actually didnt feel more confident, proud of myself or less stressed.  I actually felt more stress, the need to play bigger, and disapointment that I should have had a bigger goal.  

WHOA!  That's a huge insight!  Because if what I'm after is to feel confident, proud of myself and less stressed then there has to be a different way to get there, right?  

It actually wouldn't matter if I was seing 100's of patients, the block I was having was that I thought being more successful in my practice would bring the desired feelings I wanted and yet I saw that having the thing wouldn't solve that problem. 

So then I ask: How would I act different?  How would I be different now?:   With the insight above I need to reevaluate what I truly want.  I know that what I really want is to feel proud of myself, to feel confident, and to have more joy in my life.  So to relate it to my acupuncture practice I would focus on adding ways that I can those things in my day to day practice.  

What can I learn more about? (confidence) How can I create space in my day to de-stress and not rush around? (joy)  How can I structure my life so that I can have more time with family, take more vacations, be present with my children? (joy) What can I do on a daily basis to feel proud of my accomplishements? (self love, proud of self)  

Acting in this way puts me more inlingn with my values and also what I truly desire which is to feel self love, connection and be helpful and of service to others.  Maybe I can acheive those feelings in other areas of my life, maybe what I'm hoping my practice offers me is really something I can have right now without needing to have a busier practice.  

This already feels more in flow and has taken the pressure off some other idea of success I had in my mind.  

I hope this helps you in some way in your life by offering a simple gentle approach to get to the core of what you want to feel in your life, business or relationships.