Inside us all there is a point of resistance when doing anything, but especially with creative work there comes a time when we want to throw our hands up and scream. “but I don’t WANNA!, urrrggg, I don’t wanna do _______!!!
I feel like this sometimes with my creative endeavors whether it’s performing,writing, or practicing music. I feel the inital excitiment of starting a project and then inevitably at some point I want to kick and scream, and be defiant against myself and say, “but I don’t wanna!, this is stupid!”.
And at that point no one is there to hold me accountable and say
“ i know, but you have to.”
Because I don’t have to do anything, I can quit right at that moment, or I can choose to move forward despite my irritation.
Usually what propels me forward is that the irritation of not doing the thing outweighs my irritation of doing it. It come from a place inside me of NEEDING to, write that blog, finish choregraphing the routine, draw that picture, or play that song, as oppose to a wanting to accomplish something.
If you’ve never experienced this before then it may not make sense, but most of my creative friends have expressed this same idea that it may start as a want, but more it comes from a need to express something within.
I have many such urges in life, mostly none of them having to do with my actual j.o.b, or how I make money. I can spend an afternoon writing and filling my cup with positive thoughts, podcasts, books of people proving that you can live a creative life AND make a living doing it, and I feel most at home in that space. The trouble comes when my censor persists.
Why are you doing this? You SHOULD be working more, towards building your business, you SHOULDN’T be spending time on all this creative stuff, What’s the point, don’t you want to be making more money? SHOULDN’T you focus on making more money doing your existing business? What do you do all day? You SHOULD be more efficient with you time? What’s the point of writing? No one cares? You’ll never make money doing that.
Wheesh! Not so nice right?
We are always the hardest on ourselves, I would NEVER say these things to anyone I know and love, because in my heart of hearts I see their beauty, their gifts, their already amazing success in the world, so why is it so easy to be hard on myself?
Despite those crazy thoughts going through my head I am learning to push forward, to get thick skin, and do it anyways. But as I’ve learned if you ask yourself terrible questions, you will get terrible responses, so in response to my censor I asked myself better questions, to which I found some amazing answers.
Why do you do creative work? How can this help fuel your already existing businesses? How will this improve your relationship with your son? Your fiancé? By pursuing your creative interests how will this make you feel?
It makes me feel good, feminine, free, inspired, happy, passionate, alive It fills my cup, fuels my creative itch, and ultimately gives back to whatever it is I am doing I am working on my business, by figuring out what it is that really makes me happy, what really drives my practice, by learning what I like to do and what I don’t like to do, that will help me make my business fresh and interesting and exciting. This will also help me serve my clients better. I am considering what I think I SHOULD do vs. what I WANT to do and I will be able to do sustainably, long term. I am letting the censor be present but also learning to work with you. How does your input help me? The “point” isn’t to make money specifically with my writing, or these lunch notes, the point is to exercise my creative muscle, otherwise it atrophies, otherwise I atrophy. I am learning about time, and exertion, and using that time to accomplish things. I feel best when I work in smaller amounts of time, getting to spend more time with family, have room for creative inspiration, and fuel my body, soul and spirit.
If you also are working with your censor on whatever project you are doing, try asking yourself better questions.
Better questions give more inspired answers.
Happy to be with you creatives on this journey! Love to hear your creative successes!