Day 14: She Loved....

 

She loved it when he said I love you but more when he said it with his eyes.

She loved their dinner dates to get Thai food and the walk back home in the snow covered streets.  

She loved when he wrote to her love letters from college and especially the vulnerability and fear that he shared.

She loved that feeling that he was family her best friend.

She loved his family and the time they spent at his parents home.

And being able to go in to their fridge and get whatever she wanted.  

She loved to pretend and play house and imagine a wedding on the stairs going down into the garden.

And kids someday and a lavish lifestyle that she was still getting used to.

She loved saying things like "trips to the cabin, lets take the boat out or we're at the tennis clubs as her new normal though she could never shake that imposter feeling.

She loved how she felt as she drank a glass of wine on the giant porch of his house overlooking the big lake below and the giant mountain in the distance. 

She loved saying “just put it on my number at the beach club

Or going to his gym for the sole purpose of getting a good burger and to take a steam.  

She loved the old brown leather furniture and pictures of ducks on the wall and the way the carpet felt under her feet.

She loved saying Den, TV room, 4th floor, wine cellar and elevator

And she loved just taking a drive and riding around, windows down and warm leather seats.

She loved pretending that this life was real.

She loved it all she thought,

but a loneliness started to take seed within her

At the formal dinners in the formal dining room

When she wandered the giant house and couldn't find her boyfriend

When she returned back home to her own modest house.

When she neglected her art, music and writing.

And while she deeply loved him and stayed for nearly 13 years

she knew underneath that she would be swallowed among those beautiful things

and if she stayed only a silhouette of her would remain .

And she would miss the comfort of that family and that house and him

that had wrapped her up and let her sink into this idea that this could be hers.

That she could belong.  

 

And she wanted to, but her heart would not let her.  

 

And when they finally said goodbye, for good this time they promise that they would always remain friends.  

Always be in each others lives.

And this story ends as most fairy tales do,

And they lived happily ever after

and they were happy for each other.